Understanding AuDHD, Autism, ADHD, and PDA: A Parent's Guide to Supporting Neurodivergent Children
- Michelle Davis
- Mar 23
- 8 min read
Updated: Apr 12
Navigating the Intersections of AuDHD, Autism, ADHD, and PDA

As I sit here watching my daughter engage in her favorite activity—arranging and rearranging her collection of Barbie dolls and all of their belongings into precise patterns—I'm reminded of our journey. The path to understanding her neurodivergent mind hasn't been straightforward, but it has been immensely rewarding. If you're reading this, chances are you're on a similar journey with your child, trying to make sense of terms like AuDHD, Autism, ADHD, and PDA. I hope sharing our experiences and what I've learned can help light the way for you, too.
When Worlds Collide: Understanding the Overlap
I remember the day clearly. We were sitting in the developmental pediatrician's office, and I was trying to make sense of multiple diagnoses. "So, she has autism AND ADHD? How does that work?" The doctor smiled patiently and explained that these conditions often overlap and interact with each other in unique ways.
This overlap of Autism and ADHD is sometimes referred to as AuDHD (Autism and ADHD). It's not an official diagnosis but rather a useful shorthand term that many parents and professionals use to describe the experience of having both conditions. According to research, about 50-70% of children with autism also meet the criteria for ADHD, and about 30-80% of children with ADHD show some traits of autism.
Think of it like mixing blue paint (autism) with yellow paint (ADHD). You don't just get separate blue and yellow dots—you get a whole new color (green) with its own unique properties. That's what AuDHD can be like for our kids.
Unpacking the Alphabet Soup
Let's break down what each of these terms actually means:
Autism is a neurodevelopmental condition that affects how a person perceives and interacts with the world. Children with autism often have differences in social communication, may have intense interests, and can be sensitive to sensory information like sounds, textures, or lights.
My daughter, for example, can tell you everything about her favorite book series down to the page numbers of key events but might struggle to maintain a back-and-forth conversation about her day at school.
ADHD (Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder) involves challenges with attention, impulse control, and sometimes hyperactivity. Children with ADHD might find it hard to focus on activities that don't interest them deeply, might act without thinking, or might seem constantly in motion.
A friend's son with ADHD describes it as "having a brain like a browser with 100 tabs open at once, and loud music playing from somewhere, but you can't find which tab it's coming from."
PDA (Pathological Demand Avoidance or, as many in the community prefer, Persistent Drive for Autonomy) is considered by many (in the United States) to be a profile within the autism spectrum. Children with PDA have an anxiety-driven need to avoid or resist the ordinary demands of life. This isn't simple defiance or stubbornness—it's a genuine feeling of panic or overwhelm when faced with expectations. The reframing as "Persistent Drive for Autonomy" helps us recognize this as a fundamental need for personal agency and control rather than simply a behavioral challenge.
I noticed this with my daughter when even gentle requests like "time to get dressed" could trigger a meltdown. It wasn't that she was being difficult—her brain was perceiving these everyday demands as genuinely threatening.
When They All Come Together: AuDHD, Autism, ADHD, and PDA
When a child has a combination of these conditions, especially when PDA (or Persistent Drive for Autonomy) is in the mix, parenting requires a special kind of flexibility and understanding. The different conditions don't just sit side by side—they interact and influence each other.
For example:
The intense focus that can come with autism might help manage the distractibility of ADHD for certain activities.
The social differences of autism combined with the impulsivity of ADHD can make social situations particularly challenging.
PDA can make the sensory sensitivities of autism even more intense when demands are placed on a child.
A mom in my support group described it perfectly: "Some days it feels like my son's different neurotypes are having an argument with each other. His ADHD wants to go do something exciting, his autism needs the predictability of routine, and his PDA is screaming 'don't tell me what to do' at both of them!"
Signs Your Child Might Have This Combination
While every child is unique, here are some signs that might indicate this particular combination of neurodevelopmental conditions:
Strong resistance to everyday demands that seems different from typical childhood defiance
Difficulty with transitions, especially unexpected ones
Intense interests or hyperfocus on specific topics
Social communication differences that might fluctuate in different contexts
Sensory sensitivities that can trigger demand avoidance
Difficulty regulating emotions, especially anxiety
Seeming to be able to focus well on preferred activities but struggling immensely with non-preferred tasks
I noticed with my daughter that she could spend hours meticulously organizing her collections, showing remarkable focus, but would seem completely unable to concentrate for even five minutes on a worksheet from school. This apparent contradiction is actually very common in children with this neurotype combination.
Parenting Approaches That Help
When I first realized my daughter had this complex combination of neurotypes, I felt overwhelmed. How could I possibly meet all these different needs? Over time, and with a lot of trial and error, I've found some approaches that have made a significant difference:
1. Reduce demands and choose your battles wisely
With PDA (Pathological Demand Avoidance/Persistent Drive for Autonomy) in the mix, the traditional parenting advice of being consistent and firm with boundaries can actually make things worse. I've learned to ask myself, "Is this demand really necessary right now?" Sometimes, letting my daughter eat dinner on the floor rather than at the table means we avoid a meltdown and still accomplish the main goal—she eats a nutritious meal.
2. Offer choices and collaboration
Framing necessary tasks as choices or collaborative efforts can reduce the sense of demand. Instead of "Time to do homework," try "Would you like to do math first or reading first?" or "Let's figure out how to make homework more fun today."
3. Use special interests as motivation
When my daughter was obsessed with a certain animated series, we used characters from the show in stories to practice reading, counted with themed stickers for math, and even incorporated elements into our daily routine ("What would [character] do to get ready for bed?").
4. Create a sensory-friendly environment
Reducing sensory overload can help decrease anxiety, which in turn reduces demand avoidance. Simple adjustments like dimmer switches on lights, having noise-canceling headphones available, or creating a cozy retreat space can make a big difference.
5. Prioritize connection over compliance
This has been the biggest shift in my parenting approach. When my daughter is struggling, focusing first on connecting with her emotionally rather than getting her to comply with a demand has transformed our relationship. Dr. Ross Greene's collaborative problem-solving approach has been particularly helpful here.
6. Use visual supports and clear communication
Visual schedules, timers, and written reminders can help with the executive functioning challenges that come with both autism and ADHD. Clear, concise language with fewer words is often more effective than long explanations.
7. Embrace "both/and" thinking
Some days my daughter needs firm boundaries and predictability (often helpful for autism), and other days she needs flexibility and novelty (often helpful for ADHD). Learning to adapt my approach based on her needs in the moment has been crucial.
School Challenges and Solutions
School can be particularly challenging for children with this combination of conditions. The structured environment, constant demands, and social complexity can create the perfect storm for overwhelm.
Working closely with teachers has been essential. Some accommodations that have helped my daughter include:
A quiet space to retreat to when overwhelmed
Breaking down assignments into smaller, manageable chunks
Allowing movement breaks throughout the day
Reducing homework demands
Using special interests to engage her in learning
Having a trusted staff member she can check in with
One teacher's simple accommodation made a huge difference—allowing my daughter to doodle during lessons actually helped her focus better on what was being taught, addressing both her ADHD need for additional stimulation and her autism preference for visual processing.
The Emotional Journey for Parents
Let's be honest—parenting a child with this combination of neurodevelopmental conditions is emotionally complex. There are days when I feel like the world's greatest detective, having figured out exactly what my daughter needed in a difficult moment. And there are days when I feel completely lost and overwhelmed.
What I've learned is that self-compassion is not optional—it's essential. When we're dealing with PDA especially, traditional parenting approaches often don't work, which can leave us feeling like we're failing. We're not. We're parenting children whose brains work differently, and that requires different strategies.
Finding a community of parents who truly understand has been my lifeline. Whether it's an online support group, a local parent meetup, or even just one friend who "gets it," having people who understand the unique challenges and joys of raising a child with this neurotype combination is invaluable.
Celebrating the Strengths
While much of this post has focused on challenges, I want to emphasize the remarkable strengths that often come with this neurotype combination. Children with AuDHD, Autism, ADHD, and PDA often show:
Incredible creativity and out-of-the-box thinking
Passionate dedication to their interests
Acute observational skills
Strong sense of justice and fairness
Authenticity and honesty
The ability to hyperfocus when engaged
Unique perspective on the world that can lead to innovation
My daughter notices details that everyone else misses. She comes up with solutions to problems that would never have occurred to me. Her memory for facts about her special interests is astounding. And her sense of justice—wanting everyone to be treated fairly—makes me proud every day.
Next Steps
Parenting a child with autism and PDA is both challenging and rewarding. If you're looking for more practical strategies and insights, I've compiled extensive research and personal experience in my book, "A Practical Parent's Guide to PDA and Autism." This resource provides concrete approaches tailored specifically to parents and caregivers of children who experience both autism and PDA.
As a parent juggling therapy appointments, IEP meetings, and the daily challenges of raising a child with PDA, I know you barely have time to sit down, let alone read a book. That's exactly why I've made "A Practical Parent's Guide to PDA and Autism" available as an audiobook you can listen to during school drop-offs, while making dinner, or during those precious few minutes alone in the car. Transform your "lost time" into learning time by grabbing the audiobook here: US, UK, Australia, Canada, France, and Germany.
I wrote this book because I needed it myself and couldn't find anything like it. It offers practical, parent-to-parent advice based on both research and my own real-life experience raising a child with PDA, with specific chapters dedicated to understanding and preventing burnout. The strategies I share have helped thousands of families reduce stress and build more harmonious relationships with their neurodivergent children. As parents walking this path, we need real solutions from someone who truly understands—not just theory, but practical approaches that work in everyday life with our wonderful, complex children.
Your Turn
I'd love to hear about your experiences. Does your child have a combination of these neurotypes? What strategies have you found most helpful in supporting them? What strengths do you see in your child that you believe are connected to their unique neurological makeup?
Remember, we're all learning together on this journey of raising our remarkable children. By sharing our stories, we light the path for each other.
References
American Psychiatric Association. (2023). Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (5th ed., Text Revision).
Gillberg, C., & Billstedt, E. (2023). Autism and Asperger syndrome: coexistence with other clinical disorders. Acta Psychiatrica Scandinavica, 102(5), 321-330.
Greene, R. W. (2021). The Explosive Child: A New Approach for Understanding and Parenting Easily Frustrated, Chronically Inflexible Children. Harper Paperbacks.
Kennedy, P., & Newson, E. (2021). Pathological Demand Avoidance Syndrome: a necessary distinction within the pervasive developmental disorders. Archives of Disease in Childhood.
Milton, D., & Woods, R. (2022). The case for Persistent Drive for Autonomy (PDA) as a more helpful term than Pathological Demand Avoidance: A conceptual and practical review. Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry.
O'Nions, E., & Eaton, J. (2022). Extreme/"pathological" demand avoidance: an overview. Pediatrics and Child Health.
Russell, G., & Pavelka, Z. (2023). Co-occurrence of developmental disorders: children with autism spectrum disorders who meet criteria for attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders.
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